I should start out by saying that the whole exercising thing just really isn’t happening.
There are so many things I could blame it on…I still have a baby that gets up at least once a night to eat…I have a husband who leaves around 7 a.m. and sometimes gets home after 8 p.m…and if he is home earlier than that, it’s usually because we are splitting time between various activities and getting the baby to bed and dinner and taking care of the dogs….and now that I have three kiddos home with me every day, there is no way for me to take walks, since I don’t own a TRIPLE stroller, and I don’t think that pushing my 7 year old is very feasible anyway.
But, I know that I could fit it in. Or at least I know that I should. So, hopefully I’ll figure that all out.
And while we are on the subject of confessions…I just turned 36. I am not one to care how old I am. But, suddenly? I feel a little old. And I look at pictures of myself and, MAN!!!, I am looking older. And I’m not really a make-up-wearer or fancy-cream-user or hair-doer, so I don’t really feel like I have the tools or where-with-all to hide this whole aging thing. Or improve what’s going on. At all. Or really the bank account to go all trial-and-error with the expensive products. And it leaves me feeling a little helpless. Sad to say.
I feel like I am at the time in my life where my kids ARE my life. And that is what I want. Truly, it is. I have always wanted that (though my actions in my twenties may not have indicated such).
But I am also at a total crossroads. Am I too old to wear skinny jeans? Can I have ombre hair (and, really, do I want it?)? Will I forever look pregnant if I continue to wear tunics and loose tops?, because I love them SO MUCH. Will I ever again find a t-shirt that is not ill-fitting around my waist? Will we ever have enough extra cash-money for me to finally get my legs vein-free, or will I continue the maxi dress trend (thank GOD for it!) long after it’s done?
And will I ever, ever, EVER loose these last 15 pounds? And does it matter? And why is it so hard?
And mostly, why can’t I stop worrying about it? There are so many other things I could think about. Probably.
On another note, similar in that it has to do with my birthday (36, in case you forgot!)…my husband gave me a subscription to Hulu+ for my birthday. So, I am currently catching up on the last season of Parenthood (which for some reason didn’t record on our DVR, causing quite an emotional stir in this house!). So, crying a lot, but also trying to not be astonished at how much I relate to Kristina Braverman (not her struggle with cancer, which is causing all the crying, but with her life in general). And how much I envy all of her tunics.
So, probably I should watch less t.v., cancel Hulu+, and use the money to buy some anti-aging cream. But that’s too easy. So, I know it wouldn’t work…